Once again, I have spent a delightful and insightful evening with The Pickle.
The Pickle seems to have developed a liking to "Il n'y a pas mort d'homme.", something I told her a few weeks earlier. Apparently, she is eluding the whole sentence, which went approximately like "Nobody's dead, nobody's harmed, your team is not at fault, you did nothing wrong: no harm, no foul.". Be wary of elisions: they tell more than they hide...
Among the insights of the day are the fact that I probably should try to consider my relationship to my brother through different lenses, and that I probably should strive to being impartial when he is concerned. I do not fully like the idea, but her comments made me realise that I was indeed missing a few key points here, so she is most probably right.
She pointed out that I probably should try to envision the place where I am living not like an office cum squat, but as a living place, which is very true too.
She also remarked that I do not let the initiative go out of my hand easily. Now, it may seem true, and I must admit that it is generally so, but it is a strange one nonetheless in this particular context.
Now comes the weird part. We were partaking in the usual end of evening conversation, when I asked her whether she liked her apartment. She immediately entered defensive counter mode, told me that I was messing with things I was not concerned with, that she didn't questioned my own choices and then asked in substance why I was being so confrontational. I just told her that the way she talked about her apartment reminded me of the way she talked about her last job: highlighting the negative points and mulling over them. She was on the brink of going ballistic, starting by "Is this how you deal with inconveniences? Just by moving away from them?" when we were saved by an incoming phone call. I took my leave, her last words being "You really have a way to shift the tides.". So, no, the end was not good.
As to this defensive reflex cause, I can only guess. And my first guess would be that I am not the first one to ask her the very same question, possibly highlighting the fact that this very place was a contentious point. My second guess would be that she has not gone over this place context, and that her emotional involvement is still quite high, which is perfectly normal given what I know of the afore mentioned context. My third guess would be that she is expecting something of this place, perhaps a reassurance in the fact that her environment is steady. My fourth guess is that she does not want to be seen or see herself as a quitter. Only guesses anyway, but I would very much like to get to the bottom of this issue, or, to be honest, I would like her to go to the bottom, and to the bottom's bottom while she is at it but that is for her to do, and I kind of suspect that she is not really in the mood for this. Which is a shame for such a nice person to put herself in such a predicament. Then again to each one his own cross. And God only knows how dearly we love our crosses ;-)
Were it not for this phone call, I suspect that I would not have been able to "shift the tides" once more and leave on speaking terms. I was ready to tell her that I indeed do not leave things as they are, moving away when they get inconvenient or uncomfortable, but that I do not mull over them either, because I know why I am where I am, how much I had worked, what I had to sacrifice and renounce to to be there, and that when you are experiencing inconveniences, the only way not to throw away your effort is to put some more effort on top of it. Then, we would have gone into the whole "I am just emotional, you are too logical" argument over again. Not that this argument is pointless, it is indeed very relevant, but taking it headfirst won't take us, or at least me, any further...
Perhaps, just perhaps, is The Pickle a pickle to herself. As we all are, to some extent ;-)
The Pickle seems to have developed a liking to "Il n'y a pas mort d'homme.", something I told her a few weeks earlier. Apparently, she is eluding the whole sentence, which went approximately like "Nobody's dead, nobody's harmed, your team is not at fault, you did nothing wrong: no harm, no foul.". Be wary of elisions: they tell more than they hide...
Among the insights of the day are the fact that I probably should try to consider my relationship to my brother through different lenses, and that I probably should strive to being impartial when he is concerned. I do not fully like the idea, but her comments made me realise that I was indeed missing a few key points here, so she is most probably right.
She pointed out that I probably should try to envision the place where I am living not like an office cum squat, but as a living place, which is very true too.
She also remarked that I do not let the initiative go out of my hand easily. Now, it may seem true, and I must admit that it is generally so, but it is a strange one nonetheless in this particular context.
Now comes the weird part. We were partaking in the usual end of evening conversation, when I asked her whether she liked her apartment. She immediately entered defensive counter mode, told me that I was messing with things I was not concerned with, that she didn't questioned my own choices and then asked in substance why I was being so confrontational. I just told her that the way she talked about her apartment reminded me of the way she talked about her last job: highlighting the negative points and mulling over them. She was on the brink of going ballistic, starting by "Is this how you deal with inconveniences? Just by moving away from them?" when we were saved by an incoming phone call. I took my leave, her last words being "You really have a way to shift the tides.". So, no, the end was not good.
As to this defensive reflex cause, I can only guess. And my first guess would be that I am not the first one to ask her the very same question, possibly highlighting the fact that this very place was a contentious point. My second guess would be that she has not gone over this place context, and that her emotional involvement is still quite high, which is perfectly normal given what I know of the afore mentioned context. My third guess would be that she is expecting something of this place, perhaps a reassurance in the fact that her environment is steady. My fourth guess is that she does not want to be seen or see herself as a quitter. Only guesses anyway, but I would very much like to get to the bottom of this issue, or, to be honest, I would like her to go to the bottom, and to the bottom's bottom while she is at it but that is for her to do, and I kind of suspect that she is not really in the mood for this. Which is a shame for such a nice person to put herself in such a predicament. Then again to each one his own cross. And God only knows how dearly we love our crosses ;-)
Were it not for this phone call, I suspect that I would not have been able to "shift the tides" once more and leave on speaking terms. I was ready to tell her that I indeed do not leave things as they are, moving away when they get inconvenient or uncomfortable, but that I do not mull over them either, because I know why I am where I am, how much I had worked, what I had to sacrifice and renounce to to be there, and that when you are experiencing inconveniences, the only way not to throw away your effort is to put some more effort on top of it. Then, we would have gone into the whole "I am just emotional, you are too logical" argument over again. Not that this argument is pointless, it is indeed very relevant, but taking it headfirst won't take us, or at least me, any further...
Perhaps, just perhaps, is The Pickle a pickle to herself. As we all are, to some extent ;-)
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