Super Dumb

-"Is it a bird?
Is it a plane?"
-"No, it is a bug.
And far less annoying than the one living in your skull, you MORON!"

How can you be like that? It is unbelievable. I, for one, wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't had the colossal misfortune of meeting you. You are on Earth just to make me loose faith in the human race. But now I got it: you are not even human. No, you are a shape shifting slug from Antares sent to conquer us. Your overlords have modelled you from early TV transmissions, you are coming straight out of "I love Lucy", without the tired laugh factor.
The scary thing is that you are a father. For the third time.
Seriously, what did you think you were doing? Lasagna?

You are dumber than a dead tree trunk. At least the jungle niggers may have used it to pass information, sculpt a totem, make something beautiful. You are only fit to pass viruses, the worst being your infective idiocy. Your super power is "terrifying befuddlement". Nobody can bear to believe that you may be so stupid. They just assume that they have made a terrible mistake, that they must be missing something, and they just let you go on and on.
Were you mine, I would kick your ass so hard that all the fat would go up, expel all the shit up there and make you something like a brain.

I have met oysters with more character, punch and intellect than you.
But, I'll grant you that, you are an hidden gem. Of the hidden fossilized snot kind.

I have never felt this way for anybody. The only thing you have ever managed to create in your whole worthless life is hate. In me.
Your utter lack of professional and human skills is far beyond what may be expected of a worm dangling from a hook. Even it has some use.
You have not. You are just a waste. It would be bearable if you kept it to yourself, but no, you have to display and practice your abysmal cretinism and make me loose my time. You are totally unacceptable in my work environment, and, as far as I am concerned, in any place fit
for mankind.

You are beyond hope, redemption and healing.

I hate you. Truly.

Ahhh, feeling better :-)
It just had to come out.