Yesterday, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. All things being considered, the situation is far less dramatic than I may have thought. He fainted twice a few weeks ago, and given the family history of neurological diseases and cancers, I was thinking of a brain tumour at worst, Parkinson at best ; if you can call it best...
So the hospital rounds started, and his neurological status came up just a little bit off in places but normal. What was discovered is what may very possibly be cancerous tumours in the bladder and kidneys. So he is scheduled for surgery later today. Then we will see.
I was hoping for a partial anaesthesia, but it will have to be general.
I do not have a good track record in dealing with the death of people close to me. In fact, it is a pretty bad one. This may be why I have never, to that day, really envisioned his death, except in a very abstract manner.
Professionally speaking it will be a life changing event to me. Which is not really the point actually, as I feel confident that I will be up to the tasks at hand if need be. I won't say that I will enjoy this new situation, but I know that I will be able to manage it.
No, what is worrying me most is to have to deal with the event itself: having to face my loss while caring for my mother, dealing with my brother, the family, the friends. It took us eighteen hours to put the final touch to an already set up legal procedure. Following up on it while grieving will not be easy to me. I am a bad griever. I do not quit. I do not forget. I am still missing people dead for more than twenty years. And I take the initial loss very badly. I know that I should not be a mess, but I also know that I will be.
Very egoistically, I just hope that everything will turn out to be OK, that we are on time for a cure to be possible, that everything is fine and always will be. That my dad will always be there for me, that he will still be there to see how what he has done is progressing, provide his own insight on things that matter to us, be there as he is.
So the hospital rounds started, and his neurological status came up just a little bit off in places but normal. What was discovered is what may very possibly be cancerous tumours in the bladder and kidneys. So he is scheduled for surgery later today. Then we will see.
I was hoping for a partial anaesthesia, but it will have to be general.
I do not have a good track record in dealing with the death of people close to me. In fact, it is a pretty bad one. This may be why I have never, to that day, really envisioned his death, except in a very abstract manner.
Professionally speaking it will be a life changing event to me. Which is not really the point actually, as I feel confident that I will be up to the tasks at hand if need be. I won't say that I will enjoy this new situation, but I know that I will be able to manage it.
No, what is worrying me most is to have to deal with the event itself: having to face my loss while caring for my mother, dealing with my brother, the family, the friends. It took us eighteen hours to put the final touch to an already set up legal procedure. Following up on it while grieving will not be easy to me. I am a bad griever. I do not quit. I do not forget. I am still missing people dead for more than twenty years. And I take the initial loss very badly. I know that I should not be a mess, but I also know that I will be.
Very egoistically, I just hope that everything will turn out to be OK, that we are on time for a cure to be possible, that everything is fine and always will be. That my dad will always be there for me, that he will still be there to see how what he has done is progressing, provide his own insight on things that matter to us, be there as he is.
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