Obsessing

Still another Pickle post.

I have been busy obsessing about the Pickle these last few days. While she isn't usually far out of my mind, it is getting a tad worrying recently. Eventually, it got me thinking. And, as it is natural for an obsession, I went back to old trains of thought and found out that I hadn't followed some of them to the end. I do not assume that I have broken the circle, but I have found some answers.

There was the why questions. Why her, and why am I am not following up. Well, it seems that the answers are linked.
The Pickle is quite different from the persons I am usually attracted to and who are attracted by me. It is quite difficult to say which is which in this case.
When I look at the three women I have been able to live with, they are as far as the Pickle as it can be.
- Mrs A and I had a great competition going on. She rides and shoots better than me, has a nonsensical and rational approach to everything. The friendly emulation was a turn on.
- Miss S is nerdier than me. She even used to keep cue cards about what she wanted to do in bed and documented them afterwards. Even I do not do that.
- Miss Q is a mechanical engineer working as an IT expert in a legal firm. Enough said...
They all have a background in engineering. They are all public tomboys and closet girls, so to speak.
The Pickle is the woman who gets the closest to my ideal notion of what a woman should be that I have found. Of course, I used the word "ideal", which means that it is a very subjective notion and not immune to some self deception. But, anyway, not only does she looks, feel, smells and taste right, she also behaves, moves and talks as she should without it being an act.

So, I am stuck with my own self reinforcing idealisation. I guess that, being my very own construct, I am somehow reluctant to put it to the test and risk breaking it.
Which is exactly what I should be doing.