frustration

Never try convincing yourself that you are not feeling and needing

something again if you do not want to wake up at 0400 feeling like you have been betraying yourself for months.
After all, you can only learn from what you did, not from what may have been, even if by trying you are risking to find why what you will cannot be (and even if your previous attempt has been far less than successful;-).
As you already said, it is time to move on, but not in a way that denies and deceives yourself and others.